


Of Professors and Pastries

by al_fletcher, athenril_of_kirkwall (al_fletcher)



Series: Aether Effect (Clean) [12]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Academia, Dragon Age Drunk Writing Circle, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Pie, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Jaws of Hakkon DLC, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Here Lies the Abyss, Prompt Fic, Rare Characters, Skyhold (Dragon Age), Tumblr Prompt, after action report
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29074404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_fletcher/pseuds/al_fletcher, https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_fletcher/pseuds/athenril_of_kirkwall
Summary: Prof. Frederic, Orlesian draconologist extraordinare, and Prof. Kenric, the Inquisition's local archaeologist, get into an affray involving cream pies and pastries, and Rivka has to explain it all to Josephine.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Josephine Montilyet
Series: Aether Effect (Clean) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074563
Kudos: 4
Collections: DA Drunk Writing Circle Prompt Fics





	Of Professors and Pastries

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for "OC scolding LI, and LI loves it!", albeit reversed

Josephine resisted the urge to slam the door behind her as she followed the Inquisitor into her office, a short corridor away from the main hall of Skyhold’s main keep, where an affray which had broken midway through a function was being concluded, the aggrieved shouts of its participants echoing behind them until the door finally sealed shut.

Rivka had crossed the room, sitting back on Josephine’s desk with her hands astride her bottom, tapping gently on its edge as one would an instrument, her lip curled into a slight smile even as a furious Josephine was closing the distance with her with every stride, until she stared down as imperiously as she could at her Inquisitor and girlfriend, taking advantage of the three-inch difference in height between them.

The ambassador took in a deep breath, finally stating slowly but firmly, “I am going to need a full explanation as to why the two eminent scholars of the University of Orlais are covered in cream pastries and are being physically restrained by Scout Harding and Collette.”

Rivka’s eyes narrowed as she asked, “Do you need the entire context, or…?”

Clasping her hands to stop them from making strangling motions, Josephine said, “That would be _appreciated_ , Rivka.”

“All right,” she started, “So I thought that whilst we were holding that dreary academic symposium…”

Josephine screeched, “Dreary?!”

“…over here, and yes, while I do understand the importance of sharing our knowledge, coming from where I have, there are only so many lectures in the War Room I can sit through before drifting into the Fade…”

“Just get to the point,” Josephine hissed.

“…I thought I might draw upon the knowledge of our archaeologist and draconologist friends, namely, Professors Kenric and Frederic, as concerns one of the artefacts that we’ve wound up with in the undercroft.”

Josephine raised an eyebrow, asking, “One of the weapons you’ve encountered in your exploits, you mean?”

Rivka nodded, saying, “Exactly. To be precise, I just wanted to know what either of them could tell me about that Axe of the Dragon Hunter I got off Bonny Sims down in the courtyard.”

“Ah, right,” Josephine said. “Given that it was an easy twelve thousand sovereigns from the treasury I suppose that makes sense, from a certain point of view. Incidentally, next time you’d do well to let me negotiate prices especially when the values come up to that much.”

Rivka crossed her arms, asking, “Are you lecturing me on diplomacy or haggling, Josephine?”

Josephine’s stare was so sharp it could cut the air, where with enormous restraint, she finally managed, “Those are one and the same thing in Antiva, Rivka. Will you let me continue, or at least stop digressing?”

Rivka held her hands up in surrender. “All right, so the main point of what I was going to say was that I just wanted to learn more about Bonny Sims’ axe, and suddenly Professor Kenric got all professional, saying it was hardly appropriate for him to try and valuate it with his expertise then and there, but Professor Frederic was more than willing.”

“So, they had a dispute over the professionalism of evaluating artefacts on the spot?”

“Oh, no, it wasn’t that,” Rivka said, continuing, “Not wanting to be outdone, Professor Kenric started cutting in with his own observations, and while I don’t remember all of the details of that flurry of points they were shooting at each other, the exact moment Frederic excitedly concluded that this couldn’t be anything but the original, Bram objected that this clearly was a forgery made twenty years after Nephram Pentaghast’s possible lifetime.”

“Ah,” Josephine said comprehendingly, adding, “Oh no.”

“Oh yes,” Rivka said. “It was right at the moment that Frederic called Bram ‘a puffed-up abecedarian of a Marcher with no sense of romance’ that the two of them started coming to blows.”

Josephine planted her wrists on her hips, questioning Rivka, “And that’s the point where you decided the best thing to do was to arm Professor Kenric with a pie?”

Rivka answered, “Well, it was that or the axe.”

Becoming increasingly incoherent with rage, Josephine spluttered, “You-you, oh you…were those _genuinely_ the only two options?!?”

“He had the axe in his hands,” she said defensively. “The way I see it, at least this wound up turning the two of them into laughing-stocks instead of, well, dead.”

Taking several deep breaths, Josephine said, “All right, all right. Maybe you had a point there…where _is_ the axe now, anyway?”

“Safely in the hands of the retainers,” Rivka said, “And yes, I mean, it was admittedly hilarious, but I was actually trying to defuse the situation, so—”

Rivka never finished her justification, as the door swung open to reveal the two professors, who had made some attempts to clean the cream and cake off their clothes, being marched as sheepishly into the room as students into a headmaster’s office, Frederic being escorted Collette, and Kenric by Harding.

Bram glanced imploringly over to his research assistant, and Collette flashed him a look nearly as steely as Josephine’s to Rivka earlier on, cocking her head towards the Inquisitor and the ambassador as though it was an order.

Clearing his throat, the professor began, “I, and the eminent Professor Frederic, are here to apologise for our conduct as concerns what ought to have been a purely academic matter, and the effect that our, ah, affray has had on the atmosphere of the symposium.”

Frederic added, “Even were one of us in the absolute right and the other in the wrong—and this happens to not be the case, or at the least, the possibility certainly exists—clearly hurling pastries at each other is unbefitting of gentleman scholars, and certainly not fellow colleagues from the University of Orlais.”

“As it so happens,” Bram said, straightening himself up, “I was so fixated upon the Van Markham crest upon the fittings that I had, in my haste, neglected to consider the ritualistic reuse of such venerable weapons long past and jumped to conclusions concerning its relatively recent manufacture.”

“And I was so enchanted by the antiquity of the weapon itself,” Frederic explained, “That I had not even seen it upon first pass. But it undoubtedly dates to the Steel Age and was treated with great renown within its own time, leading to the plausible conclusion that it _is_ the original weapon of Nephram Pentaghast…”

“…and was refitted with Van Markham decorations to commemorate the restoration of Pentaghast rule,” Bram concluded. “An eminently rigorous conclusion which we reached once, ah, our tempers cooled.”

Frederic nodded, saying, “For the time that the Inquisition shall be retaining this weapon of great antiquity, our joint recommendation is that it would be a fine gift to the Lady Seeker should you wish to use it for such a purpose, given her connection to it and, well, her role in breaking up our conflict.”

Silence reigned in the room as the two expected some sort of announcement or judgement from Rivka, who cleared her throat and straightened out her tunic, adopting her officious tone as she addressed the two academics.

“I, and the Inquisition, am very pleased that the two of you have achieved some form of resolution, and look forward to your continuing contributions to this seminar,” she said, continuing, “And I certainly look forward to your future discussion over this antique weapon later this evening over refreshments.”

Right on beat, Josephine added, “We’ll make arrangements for some privacy at the Herald’s rest after dinner, and we certainly look forward to your presence. Both of you, professors.”

“As well as Cassandra, seeing as you think so highly of Lady Pentaghast. I would hardly like to deprive the two of you of the opportunity to present it to her. That _is_ what you both want, isn’t it?”, Rivka asked.

Frederic and Bram glanced at each other nervously before turning to the two women, nodding complyingly.

“It would be, ah…”, Bram started.

“…our honour, naturally,” Frederic finished, bowing to Rivka and Josephine.

Imitating his actions, Bram followed him and Collette out of the room, Harding closing the door behind them, flashing them a grin right as it closed after her.

“Right, so I believe I’ll grant that to myself as a job well done—”, Rivka said, stopping as she wheeled around to the sight of Josephine with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, next asking, “—what, I’m still in trouble?”

“ _Immeasurably_ ,” Josephine said. “Please meet me in my quarters once you’re done entertaining our squabbling academics such that I may apprise you of the numerous letters to the University of Orlais which I’m going to need your signature on. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to the main hall to oversee the clean-up. You’re just fortunate that neither of them egged a Fereldan potentiate in the process.”

With that, she turned to the door, Rivka asking after her with a wry smile, “‘Apprising’ me? Is that what it’s called amongst humans?”

Controlling her own mirth, Josephine shouted back, “Don’t make this harder on yourself, Inquisitor!”

“What if I _like_ the sound of that?”, Rivka teased.

“ _Enough!_ ”, Josephine shouted, finally slamming the door shut behind herself.

Rivka chuckled to herself as she sat back upon Josephine’s table, wondering just what her beloved ambassador had in store for her. Whatever it was, she was reasonably certain she’d enjoy it far more than what Josephine intended.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: https://athenril-of-kirkwall.tumblr.com/post/641697308788080640/


End file.
